Ketogenesis: The Japanese Anime of Metabolic Pathways

Today I come to you with a lesson in Biology. To be specific today's lesson is about Metabolism. Metabolism is defined as the sum of the physical and chemical processes in an organism by which its matierial substance is produced, maintained, and destroyed, and by which energy is made available. Why am I coming to you with a lesson in metabolism? I have always struggled with my weight, ever since puberty I've been like an elevator with my weight, up and down. At my highest I weighed 130kg and at my lowest I went down to 88kg - that variance of 40kg is the weight of a small Asian woman.

Post-work lazyness is also heavily ingrained within me. I would much rather sit, drink beer and watch a movie or play a video game than go to the gym but I also ssure you I'm a total endorphin addict, I love that feeling you get after a 15km run, its initiating that run that I struggle with. After a stressful day at work I sometimes toy with the idea of hitting the treadmill for an hour but then I realize I'd much rather spend those 60 minutes slaying dragons or mowing down an army of enemy pirates with an AK47 (which is clearly much more fun).


Mowing down said army of pirates with an AK-47 in a delightful blue and green tropical setting - Far Cry 3

The reason why my weight fluctuates so much is directly due to my eating habbits. They (by they I mean those fitness experts who don't have real jobs but have great big bleached teeth) say maintenance of a healthy state is 80% diet and 20% exercise, well my diet can really go to shit very very quickly. When it does I really don't eat a lot but I eat bad. I eat much healthier since coming to Singapore three years ago than i ever have but still my diet could always use improvement. I decided to do some research into other ways (non Gym related) that I could use to lose weight or maintain an acceptable equilibrium. This my friends leads me to the topic of this post.

The biology surrounding metabolic pathways in homeosapiens is very complex indeed but with the strategic use of constrained language (idiot speak) one can make it easier to understand. This is what I will attempt with my subsequent words.

What are metabolic pathways?

In simplest terms 'the metabolic pathway' is cellular respiration. This is the process by which a cell breaks down macromolecules in order to produce energy. In even simpler terms this is “fuel in, energy out”. The energy gained from burning fuel (food) is used to power all the processes going on in our bodies. These include the building of proteins, DNA, fat, as well as the overall maintenance of the human body (homeostasis) and energy dependant mechanical processes such as muscle contraction (movement).



The 'fuel' we need to maintain life takes three basic forms: carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids. Humans are capable of burning all three of these fuels, but do so at different times, rates, and under different circumstances. The human body (like myself) is expert in maintaining life at the lowest calorific cost.



If you still don't get it think about going when you go to work in the morning; your car is the carbohydrate pathway, your bicycle is the lipid pathway and walking is the protein pathway.

What are Carbohydrates?

Carbohyrdates or carbs are one of the most abundant types of fuel available to human beings and in very simple terms come in two types: 1) Simple and 2) Complex.

Simple carbohydrates (monosacharides) are found in refined sugars (like the white sugar you would use for baking cakes). You will also find simple sugars in fruit and milk, unlike chocolate bars which contain added sugar foods containing natural sugar also contain vitamins, minerals and fibre. This is the most accesbile form of energy for the human body, it takes the least amount of time and energy to break this food down into glucose for immediate use by the body.

Complex carbohydrates (disachardies and such) are also known as starch. Starches include grain products such as bread, rice, pasta and potatoes. Refined complex carbohydrates such as white rice and pasta have been processed which results in loss of nutrients and fibre. The best form of complex carbohydrates are vegetables, green leafy vegetables which require much more energy to breakdown than any monosacharides. 





















Whole lot o' carbs


What are lipids?

Not to sound more intelligent than I actually am the next paragraph is a direct extract from the mighty Wikipedia: Lipids are a group of naturally occurring molecules that include fats, fat-soluble vitamins (such as vitamins A, D, E, and K), monoglycerides, diglycerides, triglycerides, phospholipids, and others. The main biological functions of lipids include storing energy, signaling, and acting as structural components of cell membranes.

What are proteins?

The word Protein comes from the Greek word 'Proteios' which other than sounding cool means primary or first. Protein builds, maintains, and replaces the tissues in your body. Your muscles, your organs, and your immune system are made up almost entirely of protein. The best sources of protein are beef, poultry, fish, dairy products, eggs, nuts, seeds, black beans and lentils.

If you remember any of your biology or chemistry from school then I'm sure you'll recall the words 'Amino Acids', well Amino acids are the building blocks of protein. They are required for every metabolic process within our bodies.

The metabolic queue at a nightclub

So now that we have some very basic knowledge about the three main fuel sources of humans we can proceed to the really interesting stuff, the way in which your body extracts energy from these fuels.

For this

Angkor What? - Siem Reap, Cambodia

With a beer bubbling away to my left and a back-lit keyboard beneath my fingers I am here once again to preach the gospel according to Jack Smith. Tonight I'm back at my new local 'The Tuckshop' and I have to proclaim that I love this place. It's got great music, great food, great beer, great service and it's comfortable - what more could a thirsty patron ask for? Pretty waitresses I hear the men proclaim? Yes, it has those too. If it had MJ it may be the perfect hangout spot in Singapore but let's not go into politics or Asian oppression, It gets messy very quickly.

It seems that my last post got onto the Facebook page of the bar in question which means If I want to avoid confrontations and stay out of fights I need to be careful about my opinions and display literary decorum. With that in mind I'm going to refrain tonight from being my usual candid self and stick to a topic I've wanted to jot about for a while; the beautiful Siem Reap in Cambodia.

Angkor - Kingdom of Wonder

Faces of Bayon @ Prasat Bayon, Ankor Thom

It was way back in May, 5 months ago now that me, Claudio and his beautiful fiance Grace decided to divert ourselves away from the usual hedonism of Phnom Penh and diversify our Cambodia experiences by visiting Siem Reap.

The name Siem Reap means 'Flat defeat of Siam' - today's Thailand and refers to the centuries-old conflict between the Siamese and Khmer peoples. The name, according to an oral tradition, was given by King Ang Chan (1516-1566). It was because of Ang Chan's victory against a Siamese invasion, slaying Thailand's Prince Ong, and capturing no less than 10,000 Siamese troops. After reading several books on both Cambodia and Thailand I know the history between these two neighbouring countries extends as far back in time as the chronicles document. With the dominance of the little brothers and sisters of Asia as a united global player I see a prosperous future for the two countries, this time without malice or bloodshed.

There are no flights from Singapore directly to Siem Reap and It's about 320km from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap. Across country roads and through third world villages a regular paced car journey will take you around 5 or 6 hours but cost you only 40 - 50 USD. It's 40 degrees here most days and humid as hell, most cars here are negatively antiquated so the journey to Siem Reap can be borderline dolorous.

Wildlife Stop - The stops we made on the way to Siem Reap were few and far between but always kept us entertained.

Despite being full of Australian backpackers with matted dreadlocks and wearing singlets Siem Reap definitely has it's charms and wonders. The city is most famous for Angkor Wat or 'City of Temples', it's the largest religious monument in the world. The temple was built by the Khmer King  Suryavarman II in the early 12th century, it was the capital of the Khmer Empire and acted as his state temple and eventual mausoleum.

A mural @ Angkor Wat

The splendid artistic legacy of Angkor Wat and other Khmer monuments in the Angkor region led directly to France adopting Cambodia as a protectorate on 11th August 1863 and invading Thailand to take control of the ruins. Cambodia gained independence from France on 9th November 1953 and has controlled Angkor Wat since that time.Scars of French colonialism are visible throughout Cambodia still to this day.

The view to the forest outside - Angkor Wat

The iPad and the Yellow Balloon @ Angkor Wat

The 2001 film 'Tomb Raider' starting Angelia Jolie was filmed in Angkor Thom, part of the greater Angkor Wat site and translating from Khmer to English directly as 'Great City'. Ta Phrom which is located approximately 1 Km east of Angkor Thom also plays a part in the Tomb Raider film, it's an ancient ruin made by man and reclaimed by mother nature. The grounds are filled with broken stone and dilapidated monuments like most other temples within the greater Angkor Wat vicinity, the only difference being that in Ta Phrom mother nature seems to have tried to reclaim her place. Colossal trees tower above the man made citadel, their roots seem to erupt from the ground - splitting rock and severing history.

Ta Phrom, Angkor Wat - Siem Reap, Cambodia

The Flat Defeat of Siam and The Great Tonle

The Angkor Wat site is breathtaking, chockablock with culture and wonder. It takes a good two or three days, 20 litres of water and a full tube of Factor 50 to see all of what Angkor Wat has to offer but it's well worth the dehydration and minor sunburn. There is more to Siem Reap than the remnants of the Angkor Empire, there is Siem Reap city itself.

The Tonle Sap River Lake is a combined River and Lake system of vital importance to Cambodia. It is the largest freshwater lake in Cambodia and directly responsible for 16% of the countries GDP through it's extensive fishing operations. Wikipedia facts aside, the lake is magnificent, it's massive. At it's peak it's area swells to 16,000 km2, it is the largest fresh water lake in South East Asia. During the dry season it shrinks and flows into the Mekong in Phnom Penh. The lake captures the most wonderful sunsets, reflections full of gold, it's one of those places with a little bit of magic.

Khmer Mist taken on the Tonle Sap

The giant lake is surrounded by five of Cambodia's provinces and it houses a total of 3 million people both on and around the lakes perimeter. After a day of traversing around the ruins of Angkor in 40 degree heat we took a lazy afternoon boat trip across the Tonle in our own private boat. Before I go on let me stop your imagination right there and paint an accurate picture for you of this adventure. Our boat was barely seaworthy; imagine the most rundown European canal boat you ever saw, now imagine it without any sides, made entirely of wood rotting in the humidity with an exposed engine at the back of the boat. I hope you get the picture. Despite the aesthetic issues with our boat it was functional (thankfully) and we made our tour and returned successfully. The tour takes a few hour but it's at a nice pace, steady enough so you can really enjoy the sound of internal combustion and pistons in motion (the scenery is pretty nice too). If I push sarcasm aside very briefly; it was one of the best experiences of my time in Asia so far. The children washing themselves in the river waving furiously waving to you, racing each other to see who can get closest to the boat. Set against the backdrop of a burning orange sunset I saw a peddle bike trail slowly across the horizon, it's rider completely in shadow wearing a conical Asian hat (called a do'un in Cambodia). We saw crocodiles or alligators (don't remember which and too lazy to Google) in confinement, probably a tourist thing, empty cans of beer littering their pen. Then there were the Children.

The Children of the Tonle Sap

I mentioned earlier than the Tonle Sap and it's surroundings house a total of 3 million people; a lot of which actually live on the lake itself in a floating village. Apparently during the time of Pol Pot many Cambodians (and Vietnamese) who were taking refuge around the river lake took to the waters for safety. It is a heavily populated Vietnamese area with a school, a church (of some kind), craftsmen, and a shop amongst it's many houses. I saw some stunning images (if only I was a better photographer) I could show you but we also realized that poverty is buoyant. Amongst the scattered floating homes of the Tonle lies a Children's home in which Vietnamese orphans take refuge.

As part of the 'tour package' the boat captain will take you to a store, conveniently located quite and close to the orphanage that sells bare essentials such as rice, tinned foods and toiletries. You are expected to go to this store, purchase items from the store and take them with you to the orphanage before you go. Completely taken back by the events and images of the Tonle we bought a fair share of items and took them to the floating orphanage. The boat captain then docks at the orphanage and you proceed to offload your items before meeting the children. A single woman looks after all the children on board as well as the assists with the docking of the boat, a very young woman, not 30 years of age. This is what struck me as strange is that the children, give or take a couple show you no emotion when you board. They continue doing their thing they were doing when you boarded, some don't even look up at you - it's as if they have seen it all before, boredom or monotony fills their eyes. After waving good bye to the animated few we headed off to catch the sunset and all I could think was that the giving of items to the children was fully orchestrated and that the items, after they were given could go straight back to the store for the next boat full of tourists to buy all over again. Am I a bad person for thinking that? A part of me still thinks that is the case however another part of me (my optimistic side) believes the children were only bored, they must see boat loads of tourists day in day out, doing the same old shit, dropping rice and soap and taking their token "Look at me with a poor child" photo. I'm still in two minds about it to be honest, I'm sure the mighty Google could help me explain but I'd like to think that our donating fed someone, other than the owner of the store.

Our boat captain and Tuk Tuk driver sitting on the front of the boat as the sun set.

I unfortunately don't have any photos of food to share with you in this blog, I can't really say many good things about the cuisine of Cambodia although I really wish I could. Maybe I just haven't found the right dish yet or the right chef to cook it for me but Cambodia doesn't need instragramed photos of food. The country is a magical one. Apologies if I said this in my blog about Phnom Penh but it's difficult to contemplate that the Khmer Rouge committed one of the worst periods of genocide in modern day history here only 40 years ago.

If you have the funds and time available you need to visit Cambodia. You need to see Angkor Wat. You need to see take a trip across the Tonle and you need to see the drunken Australians in pub street hanging out with hookers. It's all part and parcel of the Khmer Magic.

Cambodia: Truly the Kingdom of Wonder.

Onwards & Upwards but Down & Out?

Been a while since I posted but I’ve been super busy; with work, with Grand Theft Auto 5 and with a new bar that opened just round the corner from my place, but not in that order *wink*.

Tonight I'm sitting in that said new bar, The Tuckshop on 403 Guillemard Road, enjoying their selection of world beers. Globalization is not always a bad thing. To be specific tonight I'm on the Belgian Witbier, it’s not really Belgian, it’s actually produced by a local brewery here in Singapore, the Archipelago brewery; a pseudo artisan brewery. It's damn good beer though.

Tonight other than drinking I'm mostly people watching, it's something I enjoy to do quite a lot actually but not in a weird way; just something I do to pass the time, to clear my mind. Let me tell you what I can see from my vantage point at the back of the bar, forgive me in advance for being my candid self.

To my right I have a group of three Singaporean guys; on first impressions they all seem hormone imbalanced alpha male wannabes and they are entertaining two Thai girls studying here. The guys seem to have the same charm factor as blocks of steel but God love them for trying. At least one of the Thai girls seemed slightly interested when one of the guys was talking about his leather seats in his 1300cc Suzuki Swift. He might get lucky tonight but I doubt it.

The Tuckshop - 403 Guillemard Road, Singapore

Ninety degrees to my left I have a middle aged British guy with a very attractive local woman, they are enjoying a Brothers Toffee Apple cider between them and he is scribbling something onto sheets of blank A4. Intrigued I begun to eavesdrop, turns out he was actually giving her a lesson on British History, 101 style. I heard him tell her with words and pictures, the differences between Anglo-Saxon and Norman churches in Britain. Riveting stuff trust me. Wish my level of British history was this accomplished, I could bore the life out of annoying people who bother you while you’re sitting having a quiet pint. Good ammunition. Anyway, they seemed like a nice couple, she seemed generally interested in the religious architecture of the British middle ages. Hat’s off to her.

Straight ahead of me I have a group of 12 Filipino girls celebrating one of their friends birthday. Other than taking a picture every two minutes and having what seems like two iPhones each they aren't offending me in the slightest. Filipinos never do.

My second beer is half full or half empty, depending on your disposition and I've been contemplating for some time now whether to go home or to have a third. After re-reading the last sentence I've just penned I've convinced myself another one is OK, it's only 10:40pm and I ran 15km on the treadmill tonight, let me undo all my good work with liquid carbohydrates.

With my interest in people watching exhausted, let me dilate upon what's been going on as of late in the world of Jack Smith. Other than my little sister getting engaged, three prominent events that have occurred in rapid succession spring to mind:

1) Bye Bye Nicotine

So those of you who know me well enough know that occasionally I like to smoke a cigarette (or two). I started about 5 years ago when I was 23 and I've gone through various stages of the addiction. It never got out of control but at my peak I was smoking a pack of 10 or so a day. Deep down I never really liked it. My beautiful Chen hated it and let's not disregard the Pathology, it's fucking terrible for your health. I got to the point where I thought that as long as I had a supply chain related occupation I could never stop. Then one random Friday my good friend Claudio came into work and told me he was quitting. Inspired by his resolve I decided to join him on his endeavor towards the land of clean lungs. I haven't had a single drag since and that was two months ago.



Breaking The Habit

I feel fantastic about it but don't get me wrong it was difficult, borderline arduous. It took only three or four days until the initial 'cold turkey' cravings wore off but the little nicotine monster inside continues to live until this day. In certain situations he comes back to tempt me but I shall not yield. I'm sticking smoke free and hopefully for good.

2) Onwards and Upwards

After four years in Customer Operations, a Hero award nomination and multiple LEAP awards to my name I have finally gotten myself a new role within the big D. I am now officially 'Regional Inventory Manager APAC' although I don't actually manage any inventory. Despite the inaccurate title It's technically a promotion; more responsibility and more visibility (If I can deliver), I get to learn a new skill set with SAP APO while I try to get myself into the mindset of a demand planner without ever being one. It's a background role, a support role, reporting, analysis, something different and I am very excited about it while very nervous at the same time. It's taking me a while to leave my transactional mindset behind me but I'm getting there slowly and surely. Give me six months in the role and see how I feel, a bit insecure right now, but that's me, overtly negative.

3) Down and Out?

The Filipinos have just left, the photography has finally stopped (thank god), my third beer is half full (positivity) and the little nicotine monster is savagely trying to get me to succumb. The magic number, number 3 is unfortunately a sad story.

I shall begin with a picture.

Mr. Claps, Myself and the one and only Yi Sian @ The Big D Hero Awards in Singapore, 2013.

My ex-roommate, my mentor, my long lost older brother and my best friend Claudio, the winner of the Big D Hero award in 2012 has taken up abode in the United States of America. On the back of his award and after countless nights working like a pig to deliver for the business he was successfully (and rightfully) chosen for an international assignment overseas. His soon to be wife, Yi Sian (known as Grace) has also left the little red dot and joined him on what promises to be an epic adventure to the land of fast food, firearms and freedom. The new role I've just taken under my wings was his previously and despite my own merits in the Big D; my new vocation would not have been mine without his teachings and support. I never told him any of this so I hope he reads this. I love you man.

I have to do my departed friends proud by using the platform he created to delivery more than he did, for once my goal is not to succeed to fuel my own ego but to show my appreciation to a great man. Alcohol fueled sentiments over, I wish them all the best in the next chapter of their lives and know they will live life to the max and smash every obstacle in their way, wherever they are, it's just the type of people they are.

See you guys in Chicago in the not too distant future.

Engagement Fever

I come to you this evening perched aloft a high stool at the Witbier Café on Kandahar Street in Singapore. I have my laptop in front of me, illuminating my face, just over a half a pint of chilled Konig Ludwig Weiss beer 45 degrees to my right and a wicker basket of peanuts to my left. It’s a very good way to spend a humid Thursday evening.

Tonight I have a special date with my wonderful girlfriend Huangyi at 8pm, which was six minutes ago to be precise but she is invariably late. Her awesome friend Reema is treating us for dinner tonight as reimbursement for dining like the bourgeois together in London last Christmas. We have a table booked at a place called Bumbu, a Thai / Indonesian fusion restaurant famous for its minimalistic menu, mouth-watering dishes and wallet friendly prices. It’s literally a stone’s throw away from where I’m sitting right now but to be honest I’m rather pleased they are late, I’m pretty content sitting here with my beer typing away my evening.

What is on my mind tonight? Well strangely enough it's marriage. Why? Pull up a seat and pour yourself a drink and I'll tell you.

My roommate Enrique is a social butterfly, he knows people from all walks of life. On one of our bar nights just over a year ago he introduced to me an American guy called Patrick. There was something about Patrick that told me he wasn't just your average Joe, I say this in a completely heterosexual way. He's a confident guy with a peanut butter of an American accent and his own Wikipedia page. Enrique knows Patrick after doing a presentation on the animation industry at a University in Singapore where Patrick was a professor. Patrick actually worked on Beavis and Butthead and directed one of my favourite animated TV shows of my teens, Daria. I won't continue as if I'm accustomed with the animation industry, I know fuck all but what I do know (again completely heterosexually) is that Patrick is an awesome guy and If I could choose my ultimate party night-out he would definitely be on the guest list.

In April this year he took a step into the unknown and proposed to his girlfriend, the aptly nicknamed Japan, Kaori Ishida is a woman I have only actually met once but who made a big impression on me. If she can steal the heart of Mr. Patrick Smith then she must be すごい (sugoi) = Amazing. Patrick proposed to her in Bali and posted this wonderful picture on Facebook to make it official. I have a feeling Patrick will be leaving Singapore in the next year or two but whenever and wherever he goes I wish him and his Nipponjin all the best.

The aptly nicknamed Japan with her rock .

Yesterday, announced to the world via Facebook, my  friend Claude finally proposed to his beautiful girlfriend Amirah. I’m overjoyed for them, they are fantastic together, idiosyncratic but fantastic and I wish them all the best in the next chapter of their lives. Claude was the guy who introduced me to Huangyi and I will be forever in his debt for this. He has just moved back to the states for work. After six years of lolling around Singapore (with a little studying in between) he finally starts his career teaching film in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.  Amirah will join him in a few months time and as long as she enjoys living in America I know this wacky duo will live happily ever after with the stars and stripes blowing in the wind from the top of a flagpole on their lawn.

Claude & Amirah ❤

A few weeks prior to the announcement of Claude and Amirah my good friend Claudio, the guy I lived with in Amsterdam proposed to his girlfriend Grace. On a business trip in Taiwan, he had arranged for Grace to fly over to spend the fleeting days of the trip together. I don’t know what triggered him to decide the time was right to propose but I know he must have been toying with the idea for some time. One evening after work, on a stroll through the city with his boss he bought the ring, he then hired a boat and proposed to her on the famous Sun Moon Lake and she said yes. I’m so excited about their future happiness that I sit here writing, grinning feverously like a Cheshire cat. I love these two people so much, they are two of my favourite people in the world and I cannot wait to see little Claudiosians.

Claudio & Grace ❤

This leads me to the most important pair in this digital journal entry, my Sister and her fiancé Tony. After a couple of years dating he popped the question and she said yes. Tony is an ex-military man from the north east of England with an avid love of Fosters lager and prawn cocktails. Knowing this I doubt the question was delivered with the romantic clout the Italian delivered but in all seriousness and without downgrading the proposition I’m sure it was a beautiful moment for the pair. My sister is a very intelligent woman, more successful than I ever was in academia. She is all grown up now but knowing her I’m pretty confident she can still be a bit of a handful at times so I doth my cap to Tony for his resilience.

My sister and her fiancé Tony

As I sit here and write, my letters form words and my words form sentences. I re-read the text that shines back at me from the LED display and it hits me like a ton of  bricks, my little sister is actually getting married.

A fresh beer has just been delivered to my table by the petit jovial Asian waitress. I nod to her in appreciation as the cost is added to my tab and I immediately fall back into my pensive state. I stare at the bubbles of carbon dioxide ascending in my beer, the laptop screen illuminating my face and think of my little sister and the woman that she has become. Her wedding date is penciled in for September 2014 and her engagement party is scheduled for 6th September this year. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to make her engagement party and it sucks beyond all belief.

It's hard to comprehend that she has grown up so much, in my mind she is still the little girl I managed to scare to death after watching the 1996 horror film Scream. Sis, if you manage to read this I love you very much and wish you all the best in your future with Tony. 

❤❤❤

Maybe it's time for me to grow up now?

Jack Vs. Nokia

I'm a bit weird when it comes to new Technology...I love it and I loathe it.

When it comes to gadgets I'm just another stereotypical guy, I love them. I own a Samsung Series 9 laptop which when new two years ago was top of the line; with at least 10 TB of external storage and too many PC peripherals to list. I have an Xbox 360 with a plethora of games and several control pads, including a Street Fighter 4 branded arcade stick. I have a Canon DSLR camera with a multitude of lenses. I have four pairs of headphones, one pair being wireless. Last but not least and bringing us onto the topic of conversation I have mobile phone; a Nokia Lumia 800 in black with a blue soft gel silicone case. I absolutely love it.
 

The Nokia Lumia 800 with Windows OS.

I have been a Nokia user my entire cellular life. My grandfather bought me my introductory Nokia on my 13th birthday, the 5110 handset, back in 1998. From there I steadily progressed through the cellular ranks; spending time with the illustrious sliding action of the Nokia 7110 that featured in the 1999 blockbuster 'The Matrix', the Nokia 3210 which was one of the first mobile phones to feature interchangeable covers, the  Nokia 8310 with it's innovative FM radio feature and aesthetically pleasing white backlit display.

After the 8310 I forget the model numbers, a period of cellular amnesia clouds my mind. This trend of forgetful Nokia's continued for some years, with the only noticeable improvements being increased phone camera competency and a new colour version of Snake. That is until the mnemonic release of the Nokia N95 in 2007 and the release of the legendary N97 a year or so later. It was at this technological precipice that my love for Nokia blossomed once again.

The Nokia N97

The N97 was my first smart phone, it was bought for me as a birthday present in 2009, the year of my departure to Holland. I have to say I did want the lightning silver version but it was the most desirable and constantly out of stock, I made do with a black one as pictured above.

The N97 was Nokia's second phone with touchscreen functionality, it had a slide out QWERTY keyboard, 32GB of internal disk space and featured the almost now defunct Symbian OS. Despite the phones many criticisms I used and abused it for 31 months replacing it only at the point of cataclysm, in January 2012, for my Lumia 800. I still hold the polyvinyl carcass in my room and I'm convinced that with fuel in it's battery it would start upon request. I lament my N97 but all good things must come to an end...

Let's go back to my Lumia 800.

Nokia at it's peak were renowned for producing the toughest and most durable mobile phones in the industry. Unfortunately this trend did not transcend to the smart phone generation beyond the Nokia N series. My Lumia 800 for example, after only a few months of use refused to charge. The painful process of taking it to the Nokia repair shop here in Singapore at Vivo City ensued and eventually I got a fully functioning phone back free of charge. After several more months of use the same issue befell me. This time however I did all I could not to go back to Vivo; this included charging my phone upside down and my adding weight to the cable as it lay in the charging port forcing the connection. For several months this worked and I had very limited inconvenience, but after a while the inevitable happened and I had to venture back to Nokia for a repair, my tail firmly stuck between my legs.

Several months after the second fix the phone broke again, the exact same charging issue being the problem. I took it back to Nokia only to be told that my warranty had expired and a fix to a reoccurring problem would cost me several hundred Singapore dollars.

My reaction as Nokia told me my phone was out of warranty and a fee would be charged...

I controlled my anger very well, hardly raising my voice at the customer service guy. I explained to him my dedication to Nokia throughout the years and that in a world of Apple and Samsung that brand ambassadors such as myself are rarities. Armed with this information he briefly decamped to consult with his superior. Upon his return he informed me that due to my brand loyalty he would perform a one-off out of warranty service on my phone for no charge. The consumer was victorious.

Two weeks after collecting my third repair the unspeakable happened,  the phone once again refused to charge. I did some resourceful Google searches and found that it was a well known trait of the Lumia 800 to refuse to charge, it also seems that Nokia refused to fix the problem opting instead for a replacement model, the Lumia 820. Armed with this fact and the eminent bank account deduction necessary to fix my phone for the fourth time I decided to vent my frustrations in an email to Nokia, for the hell of it I copied in Mr. Stephen Elop, the CEO of the company.

The email was long, florid and overly passionate. It was a vessel to both vent my frustrations of the repeating affair but also to illustrate my commitment over the years to a company now fighting to survive. The email at times verged on pornographic as I listed precious moments from my life where a Nokia had been used. I admit it the attempt to pull on corporate heartstrings was intentional but not nefarious. I am seldom loyal to any brand, I'm as price sensitive a consumer as most, but for some strange reason I am emotionally attached to Nokia. I'm attached to it's beautifully crafted products of polycarbonate and shaped glass, this Finnish organization has stolen my heart through both aesthetics and functionality. This is why I put so much passion into my email and I got the response I was after.

Several days later I received a reply directly from Mr. Elop apologizing for the issues I'd experienced with my Lumia handset, promising to resolve them, but unfortunately not admitting he and his company were aware of this common technical fault I had so elaborately detailed in my email. In his reply email he copied in several people whose names I immediately googled. He had copied in the big boys, the head of R&D, the head of customer care and global communication. Less than one hour later after receiving the initial reply I received a barrage of emails from Nokia customer care requesting information. In the final email I was informed I would receive a box fresh free replacement Lumia 800 handset and that my current handset would be used for 'thorough analysis'. I also received notification of the above, in writing, which I will keep as a trophy to the voice of the consumer.

Consumer Power - If you don't like it let them know about it!

I still love my Lumia and I still love my Windows OS. Yes, it doesn't have as many 'apps' as Apple or Samsung but I don't care. I'm just not an app guy. I don't want to know how many G's I'm doing round a corner in a taxi cab or take blurry photos with Instagram. I don't want to book a restaurant at the touch of a button or play engine noises from my phone. I just want something that's aesthetically pleasing, I want something functional, something durable, with the basic features of a smartphone such as web browsing and music playing. I'm good with owning something not made by the market leaders. I'm good with my Nokia.

This exercise was important for me and not just because I got a free phone as a result. It was important for me as a consumer not to be robbed of my hard earned money and not to be mistreated by the big corporations. Yes, my victory will not change the world, it is but a drop in the big corporate ocean, but to quote Adam Ewing from Cloud Atlas "What is an ocean but a multitude of drops?